Personalized insight
When Artists Feel Rejection
Every artist experiences rejection. Even artists who hit The Big Time. Even artists like you. Even artists like me.
That’s why I understand when artists say they’re suffering. Rejection never feels good.
It happened to me recently.
A project was rejected. The disappointment hit hard. Surely you’ve felt this too?
My energy took a dive, and I was feeling sorry for myself.
There was a Qi Gong class in the little village where I live. Qi Gong is an ancient Chinese practice that works with energy. Surely that would change mine?
I hiked to the village to try. The truth is, I cried the whole way.
When I got to the class, I found the door locked. Another disappointment.
I said a little prayer as I bit back tears, “Please help me change my energy and move past this.”
I looked up and … uh oh…. It was her. She was the last person I wanted to see.
I told her that I hadn’t seen any emails about the class cancellation. “Computers,” she groaned, “I don’t have one.”
This woman is talented, strong and independent. In many ways, she’s who I want to be when I grow up.
Except one thing: She’s a crabby old lady.
She invited me to the cafe. “No,” I explained. “I was just rejected for a project and I’m feeling blue.” My lip quivered. Anyone could see I was struggling.
She made me go to the cafe anyway.
There, I told her about my rejection and she laughed dismissively, “Don’t you have a real job?”
I told her that I help artists on the Internet.
“Is this that Google thing people have?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I thought you call yourself a writer. You don’t look like one though.”
I sighed. She’s always like this.
“I’m finishing a book,” I explained. “It’s called From Feather to Wings: the 10 Steps to Working as a Soulful Artist.”
“Soulful? That’s stupid.”
I told her that I wasn’t sure about that word myself. Maybe I’ll leave it out?
“Soulful. What a dumb idea. Show me a soul. You can’t!” she challenged.
I really wasn’t in the mood.
Then she lectured me about her thoughts on the soul, on that stupid Google thing, and then on art and artists.
“You say you help artists. What gives you the right?” She was pounding on the table with her fist now.
Sometimes she’s hard to love.
I got angry.
I found myself shouting out lines from my resume. I couldn’t stop myself as, furious, I rattled off accomplishments that frankly, I’d long forgotten.
“I’ve collaborated on artwork that lives in the Museums of Modern Art in New York and San Francisco, in the Art Institute in Chicago, the Walker Museum in Minneapolis! I’ve written catalogues for the Metropolitan Museum, for the Photography Museum in Paris! And I produced a documentary films about art that were considered for Academy Awards and screened at the United Nations! She grunted in reply. I couldn’t stop.
“And thanks to this Google thing, I’ve helped artists in over 80 countries. THAT gives me the right!”
“It means nothing,” she scoffed.
As I walked home, I realized that in spite of coming completely unhinged, I was feeling better.
Why was I desperate to convince a crabby old lady of my worth?”
It’s because I wasn’t owning it myself. I was letting rejection define me – not the truth.
So now I offer this advice it to you.
Are you feeling beat up? Does it sometimes feel like you’ll never get real traction? Does disappointment hijack your energy?
Always remember that you have value and so does your art.
Rejection is part of the artist’s job. You will get there, look how far you’ve come. It’s going to be okay… I’ve got your back.
Always,
Crista x
Written by Crista Cloutier, artist mentor + founder of The Working Artist. (learn more about Crista here)
