I remember mine because, for the first time, I actually put it into practice, and it has shifted everything. So this is it in a nutshell. Don’t laugh, because it sounds really strange, but it’s my new rule: I choose me. I choose me. I choose Crista.
So what does that mean? That I’ve become super egotistical? No. It means that in life we are constantly given a choice, and too often we choose versions of reality other than our own.
For example, I bet we’ve all had the experience of being at a dinner party or a gallery opening, and when we get home we feel like a slap of shame. Why did I say that? Was I too loud? Did I sound stupid? I should never dance. Do you know what I mean?
We’ve all had those moments where we wondered if we said or did the wrong thing, if we made the right choices. In fact, these kinds of things come up daily, don’t they? Was that good enough? Did I just embarrass myself again? Am I wrong to feel that way? Do they like my work? Was I being slighted? The list goes on and on.
And it was at the turn of the year, as I was bringing shame on myself again, that I realized that I have a choice here. I can choose to believe that I was wrong. I can choose to be in limbo and question everybody I know about their opinion about me, and what I did or what I said, and if I’m right or if I’m wrong. Or—and this was my epiphany—I can choose me.
I can choose to believe that I did the right thing, that I said the right thing. I can choose to believe that my work was good enough, that I was good enough, that my choices were good enough.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t make mistakes. I do, and when I do, I own them and take responsibility. But most of those things that we beat ourselves up about are really subjective anyway. I mean, who’s to say what’s right or wrong? Where is this perfect person who gets to judge everything? And why is it always someone else, someone outside of ourselves? It doesn’t even make sense.
I mean, what would happen if you chose you? If you chose to believe that you weren’t too loud, that you didn’t say the wrong thing, that your work is fantastic, that you are good enough? And if people act strange toward you, or if they don’t respond to your work the way you think they should, maybe that has absolutely nothing to do with you, your work, or its value, because you are good enough.
I started putting this into practice, and let me tell you, it has changed everything. I didn’t even realize that there are a hundred little incidents every single day where I question myself. And now, by responding to that voice of doubt and choosing to believe in myself, and my work, and my voice, and my value, my energy has shifted completely. My confidence has grown, and I’m starting to make strides forward in much bigger ways.
I was standing in line at an event the other night, and I was explaining this to a friend. And the man next to us overheard me, and he agreed. He said that he made this decision for himself recently, too, and he said that just this one little decision has changed his whole life for the better.
So I want you to consider making this change for yourself. When you find yourself worrying about your choices, or your words, or even your work, choose to think the best of yourself and not the worst, and then pretend it’s so. The only person you have to convince is yourself.
Let go of your need to question, to apologize, to feel guilty, or to play small. Choose you every time. Choose you.
Thanks for choosing to listen. My name is Crista Cloutier, and I’m the creator of the Working Artist Masterclass, where art gets down to business. Visit my website at workingartist.com to learn how I work with artists, and join my mailing list while you’re there—it’s free.
